This. is. me. At 41.

I thought I was going to do a birthday post last year and then I thought, What do I know about being 40.  I am not even one day into it.  What on earth could I say about it right now other than I was drug into this decade.  Well, a year has come and gone and I thought there is no better time than now to do post after trying 40 on.  So tomorrow I turn 41.  Let's start 41 off with a long post ;)

So the first question you probably have is, So how is it?  Meh.  I actually don't feel any different than a year or two or three ago.  I think I thought I would wake up and things would start falling off or falling apart.  The biggest revelation though which is just earth shattering, shout from the moutain revelation is, I think it is safe to say that after 40 years My tatas are not going to grow.  Ever.   That ship, it is safe to say, never came to port.  But you know what?  I don't care!  I'm done and over that.  After 40 years I have finally realized that they never came BUT they aren't going anywhere either!!

Here are some other things I have learned in four decades of living this beautiful life.......

1.  God is good.  God is beautiful.  God is love.  God is worth having a relationship with.  Last week in church that is the epiphany I had.  I don't have a religion.  I have a relationship and it is my relationship.  It's my relationship that helps me love, give, understand, forgive, forget, inspire and grow as a person.  I am thankful for that relationship.

2.  I have a wonderful, awesome husband.  I am truly blessed for looking in my back yard and finding him.  ;)  People who know me may see my humor in that statment.  If not, it's okay.  I found him that's all that is important.  

3.  I have four amazing, beautiful girls who inspire me every single day.  Haley, Kylie, Isabella and Elliana.  They are the reasons during my and my hubby's little disagreements that those four girls deserve our compromise, our love and our commitment.

4.  I was a teenage mom and my child graduated from the University of Kansas.  It may not seem that big to you but you ask any teen mom and it IS THE SCARIEST THING ever.  Ever.  I am so proud I was present in her life to encourage and support her.  It couldn't have been easy for her and in the end it was her that did it and made me look good.  :)

5.  Family are your family.  Everyone doesn't always get along at all times.  Sometimes you look at each other and want to get in a boxing ring.  But family always has love.  My family is HUGE between Michael and I.  Both our families do things together and it is awesome.  I may want to pull my hair out sometimes when trying to get together doesn't fit with everyone's schedules but when it happens I realize what a blessing to have them.  

6.  People come and go in your life.  It is those people that stay who are your friends.  Cheesy right?  But it is so true.  I have met many people in my life but I have a handful of people that have been in my life since kindergarten and grade school.   Those friends have seen me through almost four decades!!  It is absolutely crazy to me but what is so fun about old friends is they remember things that you don't and you remember things that they don't so when you get together and have a collection  I have friends that have come into my life and stayed and here's the thing about my friends:  I wouldn't be the person I am today without them. 

7.  I still care a little about what people think.  Not as much as I used to in my youth, but I would be lying if I said I didn't.  Things still sting and I still ask for opinions.  I think that is just going to be me.

8.  I don't have game anymore.  I tried playing bball with some family members last year and at three point range it didn't even make it.  I tried again and had to shoot with both hands.  I'm still shaking my head.  The short game -- watch out.  But I'm not near as strong as I used to be even though in reality I should be.  I want Jennifer Aniston arms.  I really do.  I just don't like working on my arms.  It hurts the next day.  Let's not mention either that I can't play softball right now because my knee decided to take a right turn when I wanted to go left.  But I need to end this with a reminder:  I may not got game but I used to I was a freshman on varsity.  Point.

9.  I always thought I would grow up and be that person who gardens with the sun hat on and enjoyed tending to my garden and eating things I grew.  Nope.  Not so much.  Hate gardening.   Don't like getting in the dirt or digging things for that matter.   Thank God for my husband. 

10.   Sometimes I feel my Facebook looks like a highlight reel of my life when in actuality it is not.  I just choose to show my children what I believe Facebook should be used for and have to be that example.  The reality is life is hard.  Your kids and you do really stupid things and I don't always fart butterflies and rainbows.  But I would not be me if I didn't stay positive and so it is a choice I make on Facebook.  Now you know.  I'm not perfect.  ;)

11.  Music makes the world go round, not money.  Well, it does for me.  Money helps but I can click iTunes and put my playlist on and the world is changed in an instant.  It's that easy for me.  For realz.  Have I ever mention Keith Urban?  I didn't think so, so let me tell you.  He has my musical heart.  So all you American Idol, I have just discovered Keith Urban people, BACK OFF. 

12.  If I am looking at you smiling while you are telling a joke and have kind of a blank stare....... i really don't get your joke.  This happens a lot.  It really happens with sexual jokes.  I just don't get them.  I admit it.  I am a smart ass.  I am not a comedian.

13.  My coping mechanism is laughing.  Seriously.  When bad things happen I laugh.  I don't know what's wrong with me but I can't stop laughing.  I used to think I was a really off person but now I realize I am just "coping" with a situation.  Dr. Phil is good for some things.  So if you are ever around something seriously bad is happening and I am laughing.... it's not you.  It's me.  Really, it is.

14.  Being healthy matters.  I thought it didn't but it does.  I have made a great effort in feeding my body good and I feel different when I do. 

15.  If you learn from your mistakes or really poor choices it's going to be okay.  You are not the piece of crap you think you are at the time.  It will pass.  All mistakes take time.  Let that time happen.  And for God's sake don't let you mistakes define you as a person.  You aren't that person.  Truly.  Unless you do it again.  And again.  And again.  Then you might be that person and you need to change.  :)  I say that with l-o-v-e LOVE.

16.  You can't be so serious all the time.  I never have been.  I am laid back to a fault but sometimes I am around those people who are so serious all the time and you people who are just need to chill out.  Relax.  Seriously.  You make the rest of us horribly uncomfortable.

17.  I completely avoid confrontation and I am okay with that.  It took me almost 35 years to actually stand up for myself or someone I loved for the first time.  Seriously.  I have learned though that if I am passionate about something in my old age I will speak, but any other type of confrontation I am getting the hell out of there.

18.  I used to drive through Bonner Springs and see the "Yard of the Month" sign and think awwww.... that is so pretty!  It's looks like a golf course.  Yeah, I really don't care anymore.  If I have money to spend on seed, landscaping and other yardly pretty things it's not going on the yard.  Sorry lawn.  I'm going on vacation.

19.  It really is more fulling and rewarding to give rather than receive.  It's a wonderful feeling.

20.  You are who you surround yourself with.  Look at the people who you spend the most time with.   It's probably safe to say you are a lot like them.  Just saying. 

21.  Say thank you.  Always.

22.  What you sow, you reap.  Plant happiness you will be happy.  Plant criticism and meanness you will get it in return.   It is simple.  It is a powerful thing I have learned in 40 years.

23.  Be kind.  Be kind.  Be kind.  It will get you so far in life.  So be kind. 

24.  Bad things happen to good people.  When they do or if it is you, don't lose your faith.  Stay positive and take one step at a time.  This too shall pass.

25.  Find inspiration.  Seek it.

26.  I love to travel.  I love to travel.  I love to travel.  It makes me happy.

27.   It's really cool to say you have a celebrity friend.  It's fun hearing all things celebrity.  Whatever.  Say what you want.  I think it's cool.

28.  I feel smarter.  Worldly. 

29.  I have never let go of my girly side.  I still love glitter, sparkles, dress up and heels.

30.  I have so so so much more to learn in this life.  I also have so much more to give.

31.  I still get embarrassed when giving hugs.  Weird, I know.  I love love but I physically still get embarrassed when hugging. 

32.  Accept the fact that every single person in your life will change.  Doesn't matter for the good or for the worse, but they will change.  You have to learn to adapt.

33.  The glass is always half full.

34.  You are not always right.  Phew.  This is a big one.  But I really feel like I always am.

35.  Most often the things people don't like about you or vice versa  is usually what they or you see in themselves or yourself.

36.  You can find everything at Forever 21 and cheap.  And their mirrors make you feel like you have instantly lost 10 pounds. 

37.  Remember there are generally two sides to every story.  And remember that when someone is having a bad day that you didn't wake up with them.  You have no idea what their story is so back to #23 -- be kind.

38.  Unfollow, unsubscribe and avoid those people that push your buttons.  Hide them. 

39.  Believe in yourself.

And last but not least #40.  It is a huge one for me.

Be kind to yourself.  Last week I had the hugest response to some pictures I posted of my trip to Cabo.  It was of me in a swimsuit.   I need myself to learn to let my own hangups go.  One, my tatas and two I just need to enjoy.  I constantly am telling myself I can look better.  I am constantly thinking about sit-ups, what food I can't have and yadi yada yada.  Instead of focusing on what I have I focus on the the cellulite in my ass and that my legs aren't as muscular as when I was 25.  I just need to be kind.  I am learning that. 

Wow!  That was long.  I have learned so much more in my life, but these are some things that are important to me.  Maybe one of these days I will write more down so my girls will know, although they know two of my life childhood mottos because I say it to them every single day.

Choose to be happy and Make good choices.

It doesn't always happen but hopefully they are listening a little.

Thank you for taking the time out of your day to listen to my meanderings.  Maybe you can find one thing that speaks to you. 

And last but not least -- Happy birthday to me!!!!